Fill'er Up!

Have you ever really listened to a conversation between two people? I mean REALLY listened to them? If you have, then I would imagine you’ve heard what I tend to refer to as “conversation fillers”. These would likely be best described as inane, random responses generated by one or more parties in a conversation to either fill up dead air space or indicate that the interested parties are, in fact, listening but unable to think of appropriate responses to what they’ve just heard. Many of the more common “fillers” include such phrases as:

“Really? How interesting.”
“You don’t say.”
“How about that?”
“The hell you say!”
“Well, there ya go.”
“I done seen it all.”
“I tell you what.”

(Those last two fillers are most commonly used among us redneck folk, they are. Ayuh. I tell you what.)

I use them all the time.

In fact, I use them so often that someone (probably the only person who truly bothers to listen to my excessive ramblings, god bless him) thought to point this out to me. I was astounded. Mind you, it was not that said fact was brought to my attention that left me bewildered, but that this revelation carried indisputable truth. Heavy, man, that’s really heavy. And then I wondered: Am I the only person who does this? So I took it upon myself (as I’m prone to do) to determine just how often “fillers” are applied to everyday conversations.

Here’s what I learned:

Everyone does it. Some do it more than others. Some manage to do so with dignity, while others cast decorum aside, leaving it (decorum) to drift and bob aimlessly like so much flotsam on the sea. Astounding, isn’t it?

This recent epiphany led me to make a decision for the benefit of all mankind -- or at least those who are in need of original, cunning, and skillful responses to ensure that those with whom they are engaged in insightful conversation might be assured that their statements have not gone unattended. I have devised a list of simple, easy to use phrases that can be inserted into a conversation whenever the following occur: a) you‘re too sleep deprived to follow what‘s being said [applicable to most conversations with your boss], b) you‘re too shnockered to respond clearly [useful when returning to work after a lunchtime drinking binge], or c) what you just heard shocked the hell out of you and your brain has shut down completely [very handy when you‘ve just been fired for reason “b“]. So far I've come up with the following:

1) Has anyone seen my keys?
2) Great! Now say that again backwards!
3) My cat likes Swanson’s chicken broth.
4) I wonder what Santa would have to say about that...
5) Fascinating, Jim. Spock, what do you think about that?
6) Someone must have spiked the punchbowl.
7) Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're our only hope.
8) Just your name, rank, and serial number, please.
9) Oooooh-eeeeee-ooh-ah-ah-ding-dang-walla-walla-bing-bang.
10) You don't say. No, really. Don’t say it at all.

Use them at will. And, just for shits and giggles, let me know how things turn out...